Archive for Gynacology News
I feel about these twin baby goats how I felt towards a certain baby giraffe last year. They live in the yard of a neighbor down the street, but are constantly escaping with their mother and raising as much of a raucous as tiny little bleating baby goat voices can possibly raise. Every time we spot them, I race outside with my camera hoping to snap some pictures. The other day we heard them as we were nearing home after a grocery shopping excursion, and sighted them in the vegetation right by the side of the road. My voice immediately went up nine octaves and I sent Jon the rest of the way home by himself to retrieve the camera. But before he could return, their barefooted owner came running over in a threadbare bra and gathered them up to bring home.
Pictures! These are all from a few weeks ago, when they were brand spanking new, umbilical cords and all. They’re a little bigger now. Also, the sun was setting, so the lighting was weird and my camera really let me down.
I’ve yet to get a picture of the two of them together….weird.
I set my size 8 flip-flop there for size reference. I mean….I found this gross old discarded flip-flop and kicked it over next to it……….oh gosh, this is embarrassing. These are the terrible flip-flops I bought
out of necessity in the Chicago Midway airport in August. It’s not my fault they turned out to be really comfortable. They have since been washed.
Posted on March 8, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Right at this exact moment Jon is buying my flight to DISNEY WORLD. In case you glossed over the last word in that sentence, it’s WORLD. The glory of Disney World is hard to describe to people who have never been. You know Disneyland? Disneyland fits inside of Disney World with FIVE kingdoms left over. It’s sort of overwhelming, actually. In the best sort of way. Not to rub it in Jon’s face, who will be unable to attend 
My parents organized (and are subsidizing) this little family venture, but my dad’s break between semesters (at BYU-I, where he’s a professor) coincides with Jon’s week of finals. Of course I’m sad that he won’t be able to make it, but my excitement level is still around a 10. PLUS, thanks to a brilliant plan hatched between Corinne and me, we’re roadtripping down to Ft Lauderdale right afterwards for a couple more days of wonderful sunny family vacation time. Made possible by her friend’s generous beachfront condo-owning parents. This, combined with the fact that Jon’s brother Darcy has been accepted to the med school here and WE WILL HAVE FAMILY ON THE ISLAND, means that April cannot come fast enough.
That’s the news. OH – I cut myself on an egg yesterday – AN EGG! I was peeling them for egg salad sandwiches and all of a sudden there’s blood in our meal and the time it takes me to ever shell an egg again just tripled. Who knew they could be dangerous?? This is a real shame, because we have egg salad sandwiches for dinner at least once a week. I’d apologize to my husband for that, but he knew what I was when he married me.
Kthxbai
Posted on March 7, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Commercial: Do you ever feel like everyone else is having more fun than you are?
Jon: No, but I feel like everyone’s having more FOOD than I am….
[Overheard] Guy hitting on girl at the beach: Yeah, I went surfing at Zeelandia yesterday, the waves were AWESOME.
Girl: Cool, did you bring your own board here?
Guy: …No…I was just body surfing…
Posted on March 3, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
I almost died of boredom this weekend while Jon was studying for exams (again), so when he finished his last test yesterday I decided we were going out. We’ve passed a restaurant called Ocean View Terrace every time we’ve gone to the beach, and I always gaze at it longingly. But the menu posted outside advertised ridiculously expensive prices, so we always walked on by to the tune of my dragging feet and a sad melody (think of Charlie Brown, or George Michael Bluth). But wait! Our friends mentioned having gone there for Valentine’s Day and spending just over 20 dollars total! How is this possible?? Well as it turns out, the menu outside only advertised meal prices in GUILDERS. We mixed up dollars and guilders! What a rookie mistake! Lucky for us, the Netherlands Antilles guilder is worth nearly half of an American dollar. And while that means that each time we pay for groceries in dollars we get three pounds of guilder coins back for change, it also meant that we could go to the Ocean View Terrace to celebrate the end of Jon’s exams. Hooray!
We headed down early so we could explore old Fort Oranje and watch the sunset before the restaurant opened. PHOTO OVERLOAD:
This is Statia’s claim to fame (aside from once being one of the busiest ports in the Caribbean). When America first declared independence, they sent a ship out to notify the Caribbean islands. Apparently there was some sort of code, using cannon blasts, and St Eustatius was the first island to fire back in a salute showing their support of American independence. Then during the Revolutionary War, Statia was key in providing ammunition and weaponry to the colonies. Yay Statia-America ties! Some of the locals would do well to remember our longstanding friendly history before nearly running American pedestrians over with their cars.
Stupid power lines!!
The restaurant. Don’t let the red Christmas lights fool you. The food was AMAZING. We both got snapper. I’m drooling.
Posted on February 24, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
They have kestrels in the US too, but here they call them “Killy-killy kestrels” which A) is more adorable, and B) I chant whenever given the opportunity.
Posted on February 18, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
We’ve been hearing about this so-called Chicken Day with increasing frequency over the past couple months. I was wary at first, because I’m always wary when it comes to meat on this island. US food standards do not apply here; we’ve basically become vegetarians in the past six months. (SIX MONTHS?? Has it been that long?) We were tipped off early on that some of the local grocers turn their fridges and freezers off at night to save on their electricity bill. Not all, but some. Just one of those differences between Statia and the US. Something else we had to get used to, like how we’ve trained ourselves to sleep despite frenzied barking from all the dogs in the neighborhood at three in the morning. Our house doesn’t help – somehow it has better acoustics than Carnegie Hall, meaning that when a hen is constructing a nest in the foliage along our fence in the morning it sounds like someone is trying to murder you by crinkling a plastic bag inside your eardrum. And it turns out that roosters like hanging around hens. Once they start crowing right outside the window, it’s all over. You can train yourself to sleep through dogs barking, but you can never learn to block out the noise of a rooster crowing ten feet away from your head. A couple of weeks back I stumbled outside in a sleep-deprived delirium and actually threw a rock at an overzealous rooster. (Sorry, Annie. I missed, if it helps you feel any better. But I was aiming to shut him up FOREVER.)
Anyway, Chicken Day, CHICKEN Day. It happens every Saturday in a local family’s yard. They live about as far away from our house as you could get on the island, which is one of the reasons why it took us so long to give it a try. That, combined with the fact that my brother-in-law Kyle almost died of salmonella two years ago. Okay, exaggeration, but he later told me his symptoms and I think it’s safe to say that he WISHED he was dead at some points. I’ve been scared of poultry ever since. But this barbeque is a hit among the students, and so far none have had any Chicken Day related illnesses. SO WE WENT, and ohhhh myyyy goshhhh. Delectable. Saucy. Delicious. Chicken. Delectable.
Jon got ribs. Who gets ribs on Chicken Day??
It was a long walk to that side of the town so we decided to make the most of it and hit up Dr. Hazel’s (more about that later), but we were delayed by an angry cow. We’re not sure how the whole commotion started but by the time we happened along some local men were attempting to tug her across the street. She wanted blood.
No one was gored. We had to wait for a few minutes while they wrestled with her, though, because this all took place right in front of Hazel’s.
It’s the best place we’ve found on the island to get produce. He grows most of it in his yard – tomatoes, bananas, avocados, coconuts, plantains, cucumbers, etc. Plus he keeps some rabbits (hence “pet shop” on the sign). Sort of weird. We love it.
There you go. Also, I took this picture the other night. I could make it a separate post, but why?
Posted on February 16, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
First, you know that gap in a door near the hinges where a child’s finger or perhaps a large gecko could get squished? A large gecko got squished in that gap in our bedroom door. We didn’t discover it until we’d been smelling death for two days. Jon made the grisly discovery after being inspired to check the hinges. I wasn’t present for the removal, but I heard all about it later. Apparently it rolled down the door jamb once he dislodged it, leaving a gooey death trail as it went. Jon twitched for hours.
Second, Friday was so much fun. We spent a couple of hours at the beach and then on our way home were excited to see that our favorite fair-weather bakery was open. Usually it’s not, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping each time we walk past. We snacked on warm rolls on the bakery’s front porch for a minute before heading in to the graveyard to collect some fruit. The mango tree in there is the biggest I’ve seen on the island, but the ripe ones had already been claimed by the wildlife. Still, it was fun to poke around. Pictures!
First jellyfish sting! It slightly burned and prickled for a minute or two. Half an hour later you would have never known. Borrrring.
Posted on February 9, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Music seems to run in the family. My grandfather, Max Dalby, was very highly regarded in the Utah music circle. He spent his life conducting and composing, and served as head of the music department at Utah State University for eight years. All of his nine children are musical as well, two of which became conductors themselves, and one who sings in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. As far as immediate family goes, Corinne and Annie both easily exceeded my natural ability (and my dedication to lessons and practice), but at one point I was pretty effing good at the clarinet. Music festivals, Honor Band, you name it.
But this post is not about how awesome of a clarinetist I was (and how I once won a trophy for being the most talented band student out of 176), because my mom has taught piano for as long as I can remember, and though I never had structured lessons from her (my choice, not hers) I was always a part of the semi-annual recitals she put on to give her students experience performing. And THAT’S where the good stories are.
My life as a mediocre pianist has been filled with happy hours of self-teaching and playing by ear, punctuated by panic-stricken performances at these recitals, which I would stress over for weeks FOR NO GOOD REASON because it seemed that no matter how hard I practiced, my nerves would just foul things up anyway.
One year Corinne and I ended up with a duet called “When the Saints Go Rockin’ In”, a brainless little tune even worse than its terrible title suggests, each line concluded by a few jazzy chords. If you were to sing along, the words would go something like, “Oh when the saintsBA-DA BA, BA, BA! Go marching rockin’ inBA-DA BA, BA, BA!” And so on, and so forth. About four measures into the performance, Corinne and I became irreversibly off-beat, and that combined with our sudden audience-induced awareness of the ridiculous tune set us dissolving into uncontrollable giggling and elbow-jabbing. A year later I ruined “The Pink Panther”, snorting through the whole thing again, only this time it must have just looked sad, because I was up there messing things up all by myself. And snorting.
Then along came Ianni, my mom’s prized pupil. He was destined to be great, considering his name shared the same pronunciation as one Yanni Hrysomallis.
Ianni eventually advanced so far in his musical career that my mom had to, with a heavy heart, make the ultimate sacrifice and pass him off to a more skilled instructor. But before it came to that, there was a recital he had to perform in, and not just any old recital, either. A duet recital. As a distant second in musical ability among the group, I was tasked with performing with the Golden Child. My mom dug up some showy number called Valencia, assigned me the slightly easier part (primo), and I practiced until my fingers bled. Not really. But still. Messing up “While the Saints Go Rockin’ In” would be nothing compared to embarrassing the King of Keys in front of his parents, so I practiced. Though the nerves didn’t completely set in until I showed up at the chapel for the recital to discover half the pews full of Ianni’s family and friends. And THEN, oh my gosh, the terror – I saw his father setting up a video camera on a tripod just a couple of feet away from the piano bench. My mom saw my face and explained that she had permitted it so that the remainder of Ianni’s extended family (in Italy, I presume) could admire his greatness. But miracle of miracles, I don’t think I screwed the performance up too badly. At least I don’t remember trying to discreetly slide off the bench mid-performance and roll for the door, which I’m sure I would have done had it gone horrifically awry.
This post doesn’t have a happy ending, though, because I tried to repeat the success several years later with my mom at a family talent show, and oh dear. The entire thing was a disaster, and what was supposed to be the grand finale of an emotional showpiece was reduced to an unfortunate, loud, plodding repetition of “PLINK-UH-DINK-UH-PLINK-UH” while I struggled to make my fingers cooperate.
……I sat as First Chair clarinet for four consecutive years.
Posted on February 5, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
If you were to take everything in this world that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy and mash it all together in the form of one person, the end result would be Christa Keele. I was a gawky friendless transplant to Gardnerville, Nevada when we became friends, and she’s been one of my absolute favorite people ever since. We went to EFY (and every single stake dance within 60 miles) together, walked together at graduation, and drove over an hour to attend the grand re-opening of King’s Chinese Buffet after it had been closed down due to health-code violations. Currently she’s serving a mission in Peru, so I’ve got a collection of letters from her, excerpts from which you will thank me for sharing with you. I’ve also included some tidbits from some of my letters to her, because sometimes I say funny things, too.
Did you get a companion assignment right away? Is she crazy? Did she offer you a foot rub? Per your request, I prayed that she wouldn’t. Is the food delicious? Are you guys allowed outside at all? Are there….public showers? Can we give everyone nicknames like at EFY, even though I’m not there?
I have indeed nicknamed everyone in my district and here are my favorites: Helen Hunt (she’s a dead ringer!), and Mr. Incredible. Somehow I WILL get you a picture, but he must be the grandson of some Pixar guru because they definitely used him as the model for Mr. Incredible. Even a teacher asked him if he’d ever been told that. Everyone was embarrassed. But it’s okay because then he asked the teacher if anyone had told HIM that he had a receding hairline! Oh the harmony here at the MTC!
My companion is okay. She’s a Navajo from Sanders, AZ. Do you know her? I thought you might, seeing as how you’re both from Arizona and all. Anyway, we spend a lot of time explaining things to each other. Somehow she never learned some things in life, like what a c-section is, what Music and the Spoken Word is, what 2-a-days in football are, and what the Office is…so I’ve been filling her in on all that, and she’s been filling me in on things like, “When people have three red fingers on the reservation it means they’ve been eating fire-flavored Cheetos.”
You may or may not have been with me for this discussion back in 2001-2002. Jared Whitaker was telling a group of people about this one time he was passing the sacrament. Some old guy took the cup and decided to try to crinkle it AS he drank the water, but his timing was off and he doused his entire front in holy sacrament water. For some reason, I cannot think of that story without snickering to myself. I love it. WHOA, here comes another sacrament story. My parents were out of town one week so the Crossmans invited us to sit with them. After the bread went past us, Lianna leaned across me to Annie and rebuked her in a loud whisper: “Annie!!! I SAW that!!” So of course Annie is thrown off guard and is like, uhh, you saw what? And Lianna proceeds to pantomime taking an entire handful of bread off the sacrament tray, mashing it into a ball, and putting it in her pocket to eat in small increments throughout the day. That’s about the hardest I’ve ever laughed at an inappropriate time.
Here’s a story I think you will appreciate. The other day I was walking through the cafeteria when an Elder, out of nowhere, THRUST his hands out to stretch as he was sitting down, right when I was walking by, and PUNCHED ME IN THE CROTCH! Straight to the baby maker! He was pretty chagrinned, as was I, and I can almost guarantee he was on a plane home within hours of the incident.
So get this, they have a MAKE-UP class here at the MTC! I wanted to go so bad solely to write you about their “tips”, but I missed the sign-up!! If I sneak my way in I’ll definitely let you know how we can be more attractive.
I learned to say something I probably shouldn’t have in the MTC. It’s ‘cabeza de mierda’ and it’s what my grandma called me from the ages of 9-17. Use at your leisure.
OH MY GOSH, funniest story ever. So, Corinne was having this irritated uterus thing with her pregnancy, which means her uterus was cramping, but she wasn’t emitting the labor hormone. Anyway, she ended up at the hospital a couple of weeks ago (everything is fine, they just gave her a shot to stop it from contracting) and the doctor was checking to see if she had dilated at all. So she goes to do the exam, and for some reason it was excruciatingly painful for Corinne (they found out she also has a UTI, so that probably explains why). So she asked the lady to stop. So the doctor was like, “Um, okay, I guess I’ll have to do it manually” and Corinne was like, “Is that something you have to do often?” and the doctor was like “…well….I’ve done it twice”. So Corinne says “What were the circumstances?” and the doctor hesitates a moment, then says “Uh, they were both disabled”. HAHAHahAHAhHAHA!!!! When Corinne told me, she’s like “I HAVE THE PAIN TOLERANCE OF A RETARDED PERSON!!” and we laughed for an hour.
So my first Saturday I’m wandering around, wondering how I ended up in Peru, when I witnessed a rat get beaten to death with a bucket! We were walking down the street and saw a slight commotion ahead of us. All of a sudden there was a giant RAT running toward us. Don’t you worry about our welfare though, because before I knew what was happening, a man with a bucket came running up and started beating the rat! It was making noises I didn’t know animals could make. So then it dies (I’m assuming – it quit screeching anyway) and everyone goes about their business as usual.
I’m still working on the Spanish. I’d like to share two stories with you to illustrate that point. 1) We went to dinner at the house of some converts. It was me, my companion, two Elders, the converts, and another family from our ward. Well I can’t handle awkward silence so I, being the LEAST qualified person to do so, decided to make conversation. There was a volleyball tournament going on in our ward and the convert and member lady were both playing in it. So I said, “So…I hear you are both really good —“ At this point I thought I said “at volleyball”. Now I don’t know what actually came out of my mouth, but it was met with looks of shock and horror and then riotous laughter on the part of the Elders. Afterward I was informed I’d just called them whores. 2) Some people were asking me about Easter traditions in the US, so I was explaining about the Easter Bunny and Easter baskets and obviously my favorite Easter candies. Well I was attempting to explain those little chocolate eggs that have a candy shell and are so delicious. Somehow I ended up describing male anatomy…I’m not going to go into more detail. I’m sure you’ve got it figured out, but it’s safe to say I left those people more than a little curious about how we Americans celebrate the Resurrection of Christ.
The end. And FYI, I emailed Corinne ahead of time for permission to broadcast her pelvic exam story online. She wrote back, “It should be shared”.
Posted on February 1, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Some older pictures:
On the hike up the Quill.
Taken the day I saw my first waterspout. I sprinted home for the camera and headed up a hill for a better view. By then it was either gone or just obscured by this huge column of rain.
Sometimes when the sun sets, the ocean turns metallic blue. It’s one of my favorite things, but this is the best picture of it I’ve been able to get. Sorry
This picture is not dedicated to Kelsey. These birds fly over the ocean and make the most horrific noises. Pretty, though.
Local women fishing at Zeelandia. They told us that just the night before there was an 8-foot shark feeding in the shallows. When we asked if it was safe to eat any sort of fish caught off the shore, they replied with an enthusiastic ‘yes’, followed by a little contemplation, then a list of the fish that will kill you if injested.
I love this picture, but maybe only because I know that he’s standing at the highest point of the Crater Rim Trail, only a foot away from a sheer drop into the center of the volcano. That makes his noble pose just that much better, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it??
Posted on January 28, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
No one get overexcited. There are only a few of these on the island, and supposedly they’re owned by Kings Well Hotel. Oftentimes we can see (and hear) them from the beach – always too far away to even consider breaking out the camera. But Saturday we heard them quarreling as we were headed down the hill, and only had to go slightly out of our way to spot them.
Now the rest of the post is for everyone (Sorry Annie, it was short-lived.) It was our first beach day since being back on Statia, and we picked a good one. Sunny, breezy, big waves. My hair will be sprinkling sand for days.
Some other pictures from our Saturday of Fun, aka the walk down to the beach and back again:
Should have kicked that beer bottle out of the way…
Posted on January 25, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
It rained yesterday, all day. At some points it was coming down so hard we couldn’t even see the ocean, which gave me the perfect opportunity stay in bed and attempt to stave off what seemed to be threatening to turn into a full-blown UTI with 2 liters of cranberry juice, 12 hours of sleep, a few episodes of Mad Men, a couple of movies, and a rambling blog post.
Here it comes.
1) A few nights ago as I wandered around the house getting ready for the tri-annual school party celebrating the beginning of a new term, Jon came across something interesting on the local Statia channel. I can’t even really describe it. It seemed to be some sort of 80’s public service announcement declaring the dangers of unprotected sex, set to music. With dancing. And chanting. At one point the entire cast participated in a ditty entitled “Uncontrollable Urges”, but my absolute favorite part must have been when the main character announced to his friends ,“I’ve got all the tools I need riiiiight here” and the camera zoomed in on the crotch of his acid wash jeans. We sat and watched for longer than I care to admit , mouths agape, shaking our heads in bewilderment.
2) This happened.
3) Sometimes, when I’m moments away from sleep, I have the sudden impression that OH MY GOSH I HAVEN’T FED PENNY IN WEEKS. It only takes a millisecond for me to realize that she’s at my parent’s house, happy and loved, but by then it’s too late. My heart is racing and sleep is miles away. Anyway, so JUST IMAGINE my delight when my sister Annie, out of the blue, mentioned to me that she still sometimes has dreams that she forgot to feed the bird she had back in high school. (Annie loves birds. As in, there is a picture floating around my mom’s house of 10 year old Annie wearing a hyacinth macaw t-shirt with Sunny the cockatiel perched on her shoulder. She had a subscription to Bird Fancy and everything. How cute is that??)
4) WE GOT AN ATV. It’s old and corroded, the engine dies when it idles, it’s physically painful to ride, and it might not start tomorrow, but it’s OURS.
It’s a beautiful thing, having transportation.
————————
Edited to add: It didn’t start
Also, lately I’ve been getting tons of spam, so I’m putting captcha word verification up on comments JUST FOR A WEEK OR SO to hopefully deter them. I’m torn up about it, because I srsly hate those things. But I hate the constant spam even more. Kthxbai.
Posted on January 18, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Well, we made it to Statia. Again. Our trip back was mostly uneventful, but we procrastinated buying our puddle-jump tickets and as a result had to spend a night in St Maarten. It was sort of nice, though it set us back about $200 for the hotel and taxis. (Our place was fairly decent and right on the beach, but they offered up what must be the cheapest shampoo-and-conditioner-in-one available that left my hair so destroyed my only option was to try and remedy the situation with a bar of soap. Yes. I washed my hair with a bar of soap. I felt so ashamed.)
Anyway, the point is, we’re here. And also, Jon wore a Speedo.
Posted on January 13, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
My mom dragged my box of archives up from the basement the other day. There wasn’t much (just one box full; The result of a life in the Army that sent us moving across the country every couple of years), but I had a heyday sorting through it all.
The best thing I found was a picture I drew at church of “My Earthly Family” when I was a Sunbeam (the Sunday school group for 3-4 year olds). My teacher filled in my family members’ names for me, and THIS is what’s written underneath the portrait of my brother:
Jacob
With 3 mouths and 2 noses –
the whole class wants to meet him!
…Jon and I taught the Sunbeams for over a year in Tucson and suddenly I’m so disappointed that I never thought to send their drawings home with added commentary.
Posted on January 6, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
My brother Jake and his wife Serena couldn’t make it down from Alaska this year for Christmas, so they sent the next best thing:
Fifteen pounds of king crab legs. Drool. They were amazing.
Love this picture: Jon and the General preparing a black powder musket for shooting,
Kyle tweeting about it. (PS – Jon’s sweet denim coat was borrowed from my parent’s hall closet. Just FYI)
Amateur video effort:
Family shot inside of a cowboy themed restaurant in Driggs. The amazing food caught me off-guard, considering I had to stare at a tiara-adorned mounted cow head whilst eating it.
Lastly, Corinne asked for an ‘amigurumi’ book for Christmas. It’s this method of crocheting cute little anime-looking creatures. When she opened it up, she could not control her excitement and held up the entire present-opening process to flip through each page. Kyle rolled his eyes and said, “She used to work in finance….” and Jon completed the sentence with, “Now she’s crafty“. Anyway, I mention it because LOOK AT WHAT I MADE.
That’s an octopus with six legs. And a chick. I’ve never been more proud of myself.
Posted on January 4, 2010 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
So how weird is that UFO in this picture of the Tetons I just posted yesterday? I didn’t notice it there until just now. We took several and it’s not in any of the others.
TWILIGHT ZONE MUSIC
Posted on December 29, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
The rest of the family showed up over the past few days. As it turned out, Jon’s flight HAD been delayed: Five hours in St Maarten, which made him miss his connection in Chicago. He spent that night in a Hilton lobby armchair. All in all, it was 33 hours of travel time, including the drive to St Anthony from Utah. Oh yeah, and a few more minutes were tacked on when his plane almost landed on top of another plane at the Salt Lake City airport. I don’t like to think about it, but apparently they were seconds away from landing when a plane on the ground decided to move onto the runway underneath them. So up they went, with lots of g-force, circling the airport waiting for another try. Good job, Air Traffic Control!
It hasn’t been too eventful around here – just how I like it. Lots of slipper-wearing, lots of movie-watching, lots of game-playing. There’s this one called “Bananagrams” that is a new obsession. There’s a big pile of letter tiles in the middle and you have to create crosswords, like Scrabble, only it’s timed and you can rearrange your words as much as you need. Then, if you want to trade a letter, you call out “DUMP!” and exchange it for three others. DUMP. It’s written in the actual directions. Capitalized and everything. I like to shout it as obnoxiously as I possibly can.
What else, what else…. Oh. Corinne and I braved a trip to the Wal-Mart in Rexburg which was pretty interesting. We saw the saddest Santa ever, tucked away in a corner near cosmetics, wearing what appeared to be red pajamas with unraveling white trim. The only Christmas decoration nearby was an old heavily-creased hand-drawn backdrop. I wanted to cry.
Speaking of crying, have you ever been to Ririe, Idaho? We accidentally drove through it FOUR TIMES in one day. I sank into a deep depression.
So I’ve got this overachieving follicle on my right arm. I was pretty proud of the two-inch-long hair it had produced and showed it to my whole family once I got here. Then last week, while Jon and I were cuddling on a loveseat, he suddenly grabbed hold of it and yanked it out while I hollered in protest. Then he explained that I was getting too attached to it. We laughed for an hour.
Anyway, here are some pictures. I hope your Christmas was merry and bright. Ours was.
Ada staring down a bottle of fry sauce at Big Jud’s – just outside of Ririe
Gunner and the General
Fondue on Christmas Eve – Sweet family tradition!
Mom trying out her new Wii
I gave her those boots. That’s why they’re so cute.
Trying out my brother-in-law Steve’s trebuchet (movie below)
Posted on December 28, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Jon may or may not have missed his connection in Chicago. I still don’t know for sure. But I really hope he didn’t, because I can’t stave the masses off this special-made-by-me-for-him sugar cookie for much longer.
Every time I turn my back, someone’s trying to eat it or give it away to their visiting teaching companion.
Posted on December 20, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Apparently the entire state of Idaho is without power except for my parents’ house. I’m writing this blog post just because I CAN. Corinne invented a scenario involving the entire population of St Anthony turning into zombies and wandering through the dark to come pound on our windows, like moths drawn to a flame.
Last night we went into Rexburg and visited a while with Jon’s sister Kelsey, her husband Jake, and my little niece Norah who, as it turns out, can say “baby” unprompted – biggest shock of my life. She and Ada loved each other. We showed up about 40 minutes after I said we would, which may or may not have been the result of my getting lost on the way to Little Caesar’s to pick up our Hawaiian pizza. Corinne had called in the order ahead of time and explained to me once she hung up that she couldn’t tell if he’d said the total was 7 dollars, or 11 dollars. And I’m like, “ewww, he must have said 11″. But no. $6.99. You can buy a large, two-topping pizza for $6.99. And they have “Hot and Ready” ones available for FIVE DOLLARS. Immediately I was suspicious. Nothing that big should be that cheap. Especially something that’s edible.
It’s been pretty low-key. Just sort of waiting for the rest of the family to show up (Jon gets in this weekend!!). One of the most exciting moments of the past few days was when I checked my Analytics and discovered “huge Scandinavian women” on my list of keywords. Meaning someone ended up on my blog by typing that phrase into Google. I was a little bit crept out, and a little bit proud.
Then there was a really funny story that my dad told that just bombed every time I tried to type it out. So let me just say that it involved a little boy who started wailing out of disappointment when he realized his grandma wasn’t pregnant, just fat. He was really looking forward to that baby. Funny? Not funny? Never mind. I’m done with this post anyway.
Posted on December 18, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
Five seconds later, Penny whipped Ada in the eye with her tail giving me the perfect opportunity to exclaim, “Look what you did, you little jerk!” as Corinne tried to comfort her baby.
Posted on December 17, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
I made it! 13 hours of travel time and two connections put me into Salt Lake City. My first flight was a 15 minute puddle-jump. I flew from St Eustatius to St Maarten for only 60 dollars and all I had to do was sit with a 400 pound man on my lap! What a deal. I spent two hours in the St Maarten airport before boarding my first-class flight to Atlanta. I don’t think I realized ahead of time how serious first class is – like, I’d only get more leg room and a hot meal. I definitely underestimated the level of service. I swear the flight attendant would have dangled grapes over my head while I nibbled at them if I’d asked her to. And I’m pretty sure she took it personally that I declined wine each of the seven-thousand times she offered it to me. Everything about first class was just how it’s portrayed in movies. The hot towel, the free-flowing alcohol. And an actual curtain separating the cabins so we didn’t even have to look at the jerks sitting back in coach. Everything was also more complicated. Like the tray tables for instance – crazy contraptions that hid inside the armrest. I needed help both getting it out AND putting it away. It was like I was five all over again, and for what? I mean, as far as tray tables go, they were just alright. Definitely no more functional than a regular tray table, but a million times more complex.
As a general rule, I don’t use airplane bathrooms, so by the time we landed in Atlanta I had to pee so bad I felt nauseous. But there was no time – I had only an hour to get through customs AND security AND take the tram from one side of the airport to the other. Luckily there were no lines and I made it to my gate with time to spare for a bathroom break, and also to check the upgrade screen. Jon tried to get me on first-class again for the rest of the trip, but I was like number 31 or 32 on the list of priority so needless to say I rode from Atlanta to Salt Lake with the plebeians. And somehow I ended up in the only window seat without a window. It’s a long fall down.
I always feel close to home when I’m amongst the group flying into Salt Lake. They’re not always the most attractive bunch, but they’re familiar. The college-aged girl with skunky hair wearing Uggs and five camisoles. That older guy that looks like an apostle. Some kid with an extreme side-part, obviously fresh off the mish. The “hot mom” in platform flip flops with an orange tan and hair teased so much it’s see-through. And that interesting-looking young couple in front of me – they must be just visiting. HAhahaHA I kill me. No really, I love Utah. It’s home. Sort of.
I was supposed to meet my mom out on the curb when I landed, but Annie ended up taking a day off of work and surprised me by showing up with her, bearing a homemade cheeseburger. You all would have been disgusted to watch me devour it. Then came the joyous reunion of owner and dog. Penny gave a little start when she first sniffed me, then continued to be a little stand-offish for about five seconds until she pieced together our happy memories (I’m only assuming here) and pretty soon was wiggling and jumping all over the place. On the drive from the airport to my grandparents’ house, she sat on my lap and leaned as hard as she possibly could into my chest. All that worrying for nothing.
After a couple of days in Salt Lake and Heber, we made the trip up North to St Anthony (or Satanthony, as Jon calls it). It started snowing yesterday morning and it’s been piling up ever since. Christmas Christmas Christmas. I’ll put up pictures sometime soon, but this post has already gotten out of hand.
Posted on December 14, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
GUESS WHAT?? I’m flying first class from St Maarten to Atlanta! Hooray for free alcoholic beverages! Hooray for free hot towels! Hooray for free more-than-six-inches-of-leg-room! I hope it doesn’t go to my head.
This weekend was pretty boring, what with Jon studying for finals and me just trying to get all the laundry done before I LEAVE TOMORROW. Which is easier said than done, because our washing machine isn’t like YOUR fancy new-fangled washing machines. The kind that sit inside your house and do all the work. I have to manually fill the washer with a garden hose for the wash and rinse cycles, then physically move the clothes to the other side for them to spin. Then once they’re hung on the line, I’m at the mercy of the weather. But then I remind myself, “Oh yeah, I live in the Caribbean”. So it’s all a trade-off I suppose.
Last night we tortured ourselves by watching Food Network’s “The Best Thing I Ever Ate: Holiday Edition”. All these celebrity chefs were discussing their favorite holiday food traditions. Then it was announced that after the break, Giada de Laurentiis would be discussing some Italian raisin cake and my first thought was, “Oh GOSH I hope she can get through this without smiling too much.” Because…..gehhhh.
Anyway, so I’m going to be traveling the next couple of days – first my flight into Utah, then a drive to my sister’s house, then the drive up to Idaho – so don’t hate me if I go a few days without posting. Hopefully I’ll have all sorts of travel-related stories to relay on the flip side. Like how I threw my gingerale in the stewardess’s face because she measured out a thimblefull that barely filled in the cracks around the ice. A CAN. I said a CAN of gingerale. FIRST CLASS HERE, COME ON.
Posted on December 13, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
I was a janitor once. Wore keys on my belt loop and everything. We were living in a place called Fort McMurray, Alberta for a couple of months, trying to rake in some cash to pay for Jon’s final year of undergrad. I specialized in cleaning bathrooms in a government building; Not my first choice of career obviously, but it paid really well and I was helping out a member of Jon’s family. Plus, we were poor and desperate in our first year of marriage, so I did it. The memories will last a lifetime. Luckily I stayed in close contact with my friends and family members through email during that time, so I’ve got documentation of all the best stories. This blog post brought to you by COPY AND PASTE. Enjoy.
[To my friend Christa, on my streamlined routine] First, I spray large
amounts of air freshener, even if it doesn’t stink. Then, I scan the
area. Any bits of paper on the floor, I just pick up with my hand (always
gloved..I got in trouble the other day for using too many gloves. Like I’m
going to reuse a pair!) because it’s way easier than sweeping it. Next I
get the toilets over and done with, because they’re the worst part. I
carefully kick open the door and steal a glance at what’s in the toilet. I
do it this way so that if there is something, I don’t have to know what it
is. I hold my breath, stare at the ceiling, and feel around with my foot
for the flusher. Then, I spray each of the toilet seats with Windex (I use
it as all purpose cleaner, even though I’m pretty sure it’s just for glass) and
smear it around with a paper towel. I rarely lift the seat to clean
underneath. That’s gross. If it’s a men’s bathroom, I tackle the
urinal first. This is the only time I use something other than
Windex. I use this Clorox stuff because it says “No Scrub” on the front,
and I figure that means I can just spray it all over, and flush. Five
seconds, easy. If the sink has soap on it, I clean it off. If not,
it looks clean enough to me. Shine up the fixtures, clean waterspots off
mirrors, then check the garbage. I asked the girl who trained me if I’m
supposed to change the garbage every day, and she said yes. But if it’s
not full, why would I change it? So as far as garbage is concerned, I
generally just smash it down every day, until it’s absolutely necessary to
change it. And…thats about it. Today I was a little more thorough
though because I was talking to a coworker (this 40 year old foul-mouthed
plumber) and he was like “Yeah, all the people before did half-a**ed jobs
cleaning the bathrooms” and I acted all shocked that someone would do that, then
cleaned a little bit better today to make up for it. But really can’t
see it lasting.
[To my mom] The older lady that works there asked
me to mop up a “spill” in the stairwell, and to “wear gloves” because she didn’t
know what it was. So I was terrified that it was vomit. I was
creeping around the stairwell so slowly and my little heart was beating so
fast. It ended up being what looked like pee. I’d like to think it
wasn’t, but I’d have rather mopped up pee with my shirt than even see or smell
throw-up.
[To my sister Annie, on unwelcome intruders] So when the
girl who was training me was telling me about the bottom level bathrooms she
goes “now these are the only ones in the building that are unlocked, so you have
to watch out for homeless people when you clean them”. She goes on to
explain that if I find clothes or anything hidden under sinks or in trash cans,
just to throw them away because it means that someone is trying to live in
there. She says this like it’s perfectly normal, people trying to live in
bathrooms. But it seriously happens. The next day I went in to clean
and I checked under the stalls and I see someone’s feet in dirty sneakers
sitting in the middle stall. So I’m like, well they won’t be long, I’ll
just start sweeping or whatever, and they’ll leave. So I’m in there like 5
minutes and this person is not making ANY noise. No rustling of toilet
paper, nothing. It reminded me of someone trying to avoid a T-rex by just
being really still. So I was like, whatever, I’ll go clean the men’s room
then come back. 15 minutes later, same little sneakers in the middle
stall. So I went and got security and they kicked her out. That same
day someone reported to security that there was “someone passed out in the
bathroom” and the security girl told me later that it was just some lady taking
a nap on the floor. She took her boots off and everything.
[To my friend Kellie, on our furniture/apartment situation back in
Rexburg] Our managers let us keep our stuff in our apartment for
free! Jon went to talk to them about maybe paying a couple hundred
less a month if they turn off our amenities, and the girl was like…”no, we can
just turn them off and you can just keep your stuff there for free”. Which
is soooo awesome because we were going to move it into storage, then once we got
back there’s no guaranteeing that we’d find another place to live soon, and then
we’d have to live in bathrooms.
Posted on December 13, 2009 | Filed under Gynacology News | Permalink
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