Visitors at the hospital
Here’s a nice short video my dad put together of Holly’s visitors at the hospital
Archive for Adoption
First photos
And by popular demand (and I do mean popular, and I do mean demand), here are some of the first photos from the hospital, and a few at home. Finally! My apologizes for the delay. Kate and I have officially discovered the baby time vortex. As far as I’m concerned, it’s yesterday right now and tomorrow is coming today.
This is just a photo post, but here’s a quick status update: baby is healthy and awesome. Parents are coasting on sleep dep. and joy. More photos to come in a few days. Thank you so much to everyone for well wishes. Kate and I feel humbled by the show of love and support.
Introducing. . .
Holly Josephine!
Born July 28th, 2010. 8lbs, 14oz. Healthy and gorgeous, with all 10 fingers and toes. And she’s ours!
How it all happened: Today at about 4pm we got a call from our social worker telling us that there was an “instant baby” born yesterday. This means that the birth mother hadn’t contacted the agency until after the baby was born. We agreed to show her our family book, and about two hours later, she’d picked us and we were on our way to the hospital. We meet her birth mom and family and got to hold her. Man, did I mention she’s gorgeous? We don’t get to bring her home until Saturday, but we’ll get to spend all day tomorrow with her at the hospital. We’re very much in shock and so happy!
More later when things have calmed down a bit. As of right now, it’s 2:00 AM and this is how we feel:
Help adoptive families complete their journeys
Note: What follows is an email we sent out to friends and family.
Dear friends and family,
Hello! We’re writing now for two reasons:
- To give everyone a brief update on the status of our adoption
- More importantly, we need just 15 minutes of your day to help us get $12,000 for the adoption. Seriously, no joke.
Status update
As you know, we are currently in the process of adopting our first child. We started in the Spring of 2007, and have been hoping and waiting ever since. We experienced a major setback when Vietnam closed their doors to American adoptive families. We quickly rebounded and moved on to domestic (aka American) adoption. We apparently have terrible luck since domestic adoptions have slowed dramatically in the last year, and there is still no end in sight as we enter year four of our journey.
So basically our status update is “everything is the same as it has been for the last year and a half.” Kind of anticlimactic, we know. People often ask “what’s going on with the adoption?” Here it is: we’re simply waiting to be matched with a birthmother. No more, no less. There is just a major shortage of birthmothers which is causing the long wait.
15 minutes of your day
We are hoping that 2010 will be the year that we become parents. Three years is a long time, and we are worn out with waiting. But more importantly, 2010 is the last year that adoptive families will be eligible for the Adoption Tax Credit. This is a tax credit given to adoptive families after they have completed an adoption. It currently covers costs up to $12,000. Considering that our adoption bill will add up to somewhere near $25,000 when it’s all said and done, the tax credit is basically our financial lifeline. Unfortunately, if we don’t complete an adoption by December 31st, 2010, we may not be able to take advantage of the credit. Without the credit, completing our adoption will be extremely difficult, and perhaps impossible.
Fortunately, there are two bills in the House and Senate – H.R. 213 and S2816 – that will reinstate the credit if passed. If you would like to help not only us, but thousands of families and children throughout the country, we’re asking that you take just a few minutes to contact your Senators and Congressmen and let them know that you support these bills.
We’ve been informed that e-mail or telephone are the best way to let our reps know that you support the bill. Snail-mail tends to take a long time and often doesn’t even make it to the right people. Don’t worry, we’ve made it ridiculously easy. Please follow these steps:
Easy Peasy
- Copy the pre-written letter of support from this Web site:
http://adoptiontaxcredit.wetpaint.com/page/Letter+or+Phone+Call+Script+to+Representive+from+Adoption+Supporter - Go to the contact Web pages for your representatives:
http://www.contactingthecongress.org/ - For each representative: paste in the pre-written letter, edit the letter to add your name (both in the first sentence, and the sign-off!), and click send
- Done! The entire process should take no more than 15 minutes and means the world to us.
Thank you for all you love and support throughout this process. We can’t wait to send you the e-mail letting you know we’ve completed our journey!
Thank you,
Kate and Joel
P.S.
For the law nerds, here is more info on the bills:
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=s111-2816
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h111-213
Help Adoptive Families complete their journeys.
Dear friends and family,
Hello! We’re are posting for two reasons
-
To give everyone a brief update on the status of our adoption
-
More importantly, we need just 15 minutes of your day to help us get $12,000 for the adoption. Seriously, no joke.
Status update
We started our adoption process in the Spring of 2007, and have been hoping and waiting ever since. We experienced a major setback when Vietnam closed their doors to American adoptive families. We quickly rebounded and moved on to domestic (aka American) adoption. We apparently have terrible luck since domestic adoptions have slowed dramatically in the last year, and there is still no end in sight as we enter year four of our journey.
So basically our status update is “everything is the same as it has been for the last year and a half.” Kind of anticlimactic, we know. People often ask “what’s going on with the adoption?” Here it is: we’re simply waiting to be matched with a birthmother. No more, no less. There is just a major shortage of birthmothers which is causing the long wait.
15 Minutes of your day
We are hoping that 2010 will be the year that we become parents. Three years is a long time, and we are worn out with waiting. But more importantly, 2010 is the last year that adoptive families will be eligible for the Adoption Tax Credit. This is a tax credit given to adoptive families after they have completed an adoption. It currently covers costs up to $12,000. Considering that our adoption bill will add up to somewhere near $25,000 when it’s all said and done, the tax credit is basically our financial lifeline. Unfortunately, if we don’t complete an adoption by December 31st, 2010, we may not be able to take advantage of the credit. Without the credit, completing our adoption will be extremely difficult, and perhaps impossible.
Fortunately, there are two bills in the House and Senate – H.R. 213 and S2816 – that will reinstate the credit if passed. If you would like to help not only us, but thousands of families and children throughout the country, we’re asking that you take just a few minutes to contact your Senators and Congressmen and let them know that you support these bills.
We’ve been informed that e-mail or telephone are the best way to let our reps know that you support the bill. Snail-mail tends to take a long time and often doesn’t even make it to the right people. Don’t worry, we’ve made it ridiculously easy. Please follow these steps:
Easy Peasy
1) Copy the pre-written letter of support from this Web site:
2) Go to the contact Web pages for your representatives:
http://www.contactingthecongress.org/
3) For each representative: paste in the pre-written letter, edit the letter to add your name (both in the first sentence, and the sign-off!), and click send
4) Done! The entire process should take no more than 15 minutes and means the world to us.
Thank you for all you love and support throughout this process. We can’t wait to write the post letting you know we’ve completed our journey!
Thank you,
Kate and Joel
P.S.
For the law nerds, here is more info on the bills:
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=s111-2816
Getting Involved: Making a Difference for National Adoption Month
So you’ve read about National Adoption Month some place or you’ve seen a child featured on a local broadcast that talks about children in need of homes in the US Foster Care system and you’re wanting to learn more. Depending on where you are in the education process, you may or may not know what the next steps are.
Let’s assume, for a minute, you’re brand new and you’re looking for guidance or advice on what the first steps are when deciding to move forward, that’s easy enough, right?
First, you’ll want to find out how your state agency for children’s issues is operated. Are you in a privatized state? Are all matters related to foster care or adopting from foster care handled through a state agency? This is an all important first question to ask, because it will have an impact on the rest of the steps you take going forward.
One of the best ways to learn more about how your state operates is by contacting the local Department of Children & Families (the name varies by state, but it’s generally the office that handles matters related to children and will often have the word “Children” or “Child” in their name). Often, they will be able to point you in the right direction, but keep in mind – this is a state run agency and it’s not uncommon for communication and/or information to be difficult to come by. Like all other state funded departments, they are bogged down by economic difficulties, staff shortages and no shortage of work to keep them busy. It may take a few phone calls, so be prepared for that from the get go.
Once you’ve made contact, you’ll want to find out what the first steps are for your state. Usually you’ll be invited to attend an informal meeting where they share information about the process in your state as well as the education and home requirements for fostering. This is something that is typically held in a group setting and involves a number of people who are interested in becoming licensed foster parents in your area. I do need to stress, again, this is something that varies by state and in some cases, even by county, so talking to someone local will be important.
Once you’ve learned more about what the process looks like in your area, you’ll likely be invited to complete some sort of application process or even attend classes that meet your states educational requirements for becoming licensed. This is, again, another step in the process that is different depending on your location and the need in your area.
Regardless of the steps required going forward, there is only one certainty in adopting from the foster care system and that is, it’s typically not for the faint of heart. The process of becoming licensed in your state to accept children can be as long as six months to a year or as short as a few weeks. Typically, children available through the state range in age from newborns to older teens and will sometimes come with emotional or physical special needs resulting from abuse or neglect in their home of birth.
Either way, it’s important to remember that children adopted from foster care often come with some amount of baggage that is a result of a difficult start in life. The education you get when becoming licensed is a great first step in becoming prepared to deal with those issues, however, becoming involved with local foster parenting associations is also a great source of support and information on resources available in your county, should you need more guidance.
Next, I’ll blog about the never-ending string of acronyms that is all to common in the system – PRIDE, MAPP, TPR, GAL, CASA – it’s a never ending list of letters that will become second nature to you as you start your journey to becoming licensed.
Posted on November 17, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Waiting Children from Oregon on The Adoption.com Photolisting
Great news for waiting children in Oregon just in time for National Adoption Month!
The Adoption.com Photolisting is excited to announce that the State of Oregon is now featuring it’s waiting children right here on Adoption.com. Now, the children in Oregon can be viewed by potential families from anywhere in the United States at any time of the day or night.
Families who are homestudy ready and certified to adopt in their state can submit inquiries via the Adoption.com Photolisting Inquiry Form. Those not currently homestudy ready can submit a Homestudy Assistance Form and get matched with a caseworker in their area who can help them get started on the journey to adopting from the U.S. foster care system.
National Adoption Month is a great time to get started on your journey to adopt from the U.S. foster care system, so find out how to get started by contacting your local Department of Children & Family Services (or whatever it might be called in your state).
Posted on November 17, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Germany’s ‘Brown Babies’ – The Difficult Identities of Post-War Black Children of GIs
spiegel.de — For many of the now-adult children of white German women and African-American GIs, adopted by families in the United States after World War II, the search for the truth has been difficult.
Posted on November 17, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
The Underground Market of Sperm Donors
lifestyle.msn.com — A growing online gray market of free sperm donors has sprung up to serve single women, lesbian couples, and married couples challenged by male infertility who can’t afford the expense — or in some countries, who don’t have the “right” social status — for traditional sperm banks.
Submitted to digg by WordsnCollision
Posted on November 17, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
A life or death search for her family ties
themonmouthjournal.com — Carol Barbieri uncovered the secrets of her adoption and lineage during a yearlong investigation, and a race against time, on a quest to find her medical heritage and save her son.
Referenced in this article:
NJ-CARE
American Adoption Congress
Posted on November 17, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Three decades after adoption, DNA test reveals painful truth
More than three decades after Ron Ryba and Kathleen Butler gave up their baby son to Catholic Charities of Trenton, N.J., for adoption, and four years after the agency facilitated their “reunion” with Phil Bloete, genetic testing revealed last year that none of them are related.
Submitted to digg by beegirlny
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Our Dirty Adoption Secret
newmatilda.com – The Federal Government wants to give forced adoption victims an apology, but seems very keen to prevent the public finding out exactly what the apology is for, writes Emily Wolfinger
Submitted to digg by sly50
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Adoptee aims to change rules for birth certificates
rapidcityjournal.com — Eric Roach is working to change a South Dakota law so other adoptees won’t have to work as hard, or tell lies, to get their original birth certificates.
Submitted to digg by beegirlny
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Vietnam – New adoption regulations under debate
thanhniennews.com — A proposal to end the illegal selling of adoption rights comes under fire as critics say it misappropriates government power.
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
China’s adoption system worries Canadian mom
vancouversun.com — A Nova Scotia mother who adopted a baby from China says she is haunted by questions about whether her little girl — and other Chinese adoptees in Canada — might have been kidnapped from her birth parents, or sold for cash.
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Film ‘Resilience’ looks at often-ignored mothers of adoption
koreaherald.co.kr — Behind the glamour of adoption, new beginnings and happy reunions, there is another, darker side of loss and separation for birth mothers, birth families, and adoptees that is often left out of the discussion.
Referenced in this article: http://www.resiliencefilm.com/
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
The Ethical Dilemma of Outsourcing Pregnancy to India
fora.tv — Harvard Professor Michael Sandel deliveres a speech titled “Markets and Morals” as part of the Chautauqua Institution 2009 Summer Lecture Series.
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Quebec proposes changes to adoption laws
theglobeandmail.com — Proposed changes to Quebec’s adoption law will allow some adopted children to remain legally bonded to their biological parents in what is regarded as an unprecedented move by a provincial government.
This means that an adopted child will retain a “double family bond” if all parties in the process agree. While the adoptive family will have legal authority over the child’s welfare, the adopted child will be allowed to continue to have ties to his or her biological family. The birth documents will contain the names of the child’s original parents as well those of his or her adoptive parents.
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
At Reunion for the New York Foundling, a Kinship of a Shared Past
nytimes.com — A child-welfare agency with origins in the 19th century and a Dickensian name celebrated its 140th anniversary with a gathering of people whom it helped as infants.
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Skin deep – "My India" – adoption search documentary
livemint.com — Adopted by an American family 25 years ago, Goa-born Nisha Grayson is coming back ‘home’ in search of her birth mother and herself
Link to film website: My India
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Adopted Chinese daughters seek their roots
ft.com — China has invited thousands of foundlings back to their birthplaces for government-sponsored “homeland tours” which, like last year’s Beijing Olympics or next year’s Shanghai World Expo, give the country a chance to show off to the world.
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Long Island lawyer charged with setting up fake adoptions
A Roslyn attorney stole thousands of dollars from prospective parents trying to adopt children by promising them nonexistent babies, Nassau District Attorney Kathleen Rice said Friday.
Kevin Cohen, 41, was arrested at his home Friday morning following a 16-month investigation into the alleged scam.
Cohen was charged last December for trying to steal the house he lived in, prosecutors said.
Submitted to digg by nanapat
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
South Dakota – Lawmakers face balancing adoptees’ rights
argusleader.com — The desire to see what they call “the first legal paper that is mine” is why South Dakota residents seek to change state law. Rather than have to go before a judge to obtain their birth records, a bill they’re pushing would allow adoptees 18 and older to obtain the documents from the state Department of Health.
Posted on October 20, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Top Ten Intrusive Questions: Number Four
As we continue the countdown, I’d like to address one of the more interesting questions we’ve gotten over the course of our journey. “Are those kids going to turn out to be thugs?”
Really. I mean it. Really. Maybe we just live in hickville but this was a serious question. It was as if children who have been in care are predisposed to the “thug life”. I’m honestly not even sure what was meant by the question. Through more thorough examination we discovered the inquiry had to do with whether or not our new son would wear his pants above or below his behind.
Now we ALL know that the location of one’s pants has a great deal to do with identifying a possible thug. I hope you were able to note the sarcasm there. I also hope the weirdo who asked me the question noted my dripping sarcasm when I responded. Of course our new child would be a thug, that is, after all, what the foster care system churns out. Thugs.
Unfortunately for me, this question also came from a relative leaving me with no choice but to go down the dark and dreary road we were on. It turns out that the possibility that we may adopt an African American child struck fear into the hearts of many. Of course, the issue of race and adoption is for a whole other post, but in this case “black” was equivalent to “thug” which is equivalent to “pants below the waist.”
So here I am, minding my own business, and because we are adopting a foster kid I am thrust into a heated racial disagreement. I attempted the very obvious solution which was to point out that white kids abound with their rears hanging out of their pants. What do pants and color have to do with how my child will “turn out”?
And, on that note, what exactly does “turn out” mean? The phrase in and of itself reminds me of my old easy-bake oven. How did your light bulb brownie turn out dear? Food turns out. Events turn out. Lawsuits turn out. Kids do not turn out. There happens to be a great deal of effort that goes into molding and loving a child into the man or woman they will become. We don’t just pop em’ in, flick the switch and wait for them to “turn out”.
Just a side note, my very Caucasian son can’t keep his pants above his skinny butt to save his life. Belts don’t help. Smaller pants don’t even help. So everyone he meets eventually get to see his SpongeBob boxers. Sure does sound like a “thug” to me.
Posted on September 25, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
Top Ten Intrusive Questions: Number Three
My top ten intrusive question number three is pretty basic but I find it entirely irritating. “Are they brothers?”
Many of the questions that bother me have to do with alienating my children. We work hard every day to make a life for our boys where they feel at ease and comfortable with themselves. We want them to feel like normal kids. We do things like other families do, trying to have as routine a life as possible. We try to put the boys on meds that don’t need to be taken during the school day. We try to make sure that the kids have moderately “cool” clothes and shoes. We try to help them blend in as much as possible. Our kids stick out plenty without us making it worse. They need some normalcy in their lives. Normalcy provides a bit of stability that they have never had.
So, when we are out in public or at a family function and someone approaches us with the question, “Are they brothers?”, our normal cover is blown. This is not a question that is asked of people who have bio kids. People don’t ask this question randomly. They ask this question of families who have adopted children. I have even heard the wonderful, “Which ones are yours and which ones are adopted?” Really people. Let’s get ourselves together here and have some basic tact. If they call me mom, they are mine and they are brothers. End of story.
Many of my top ten most intrusive questions are a case of curiosity snatching up the cat. I understand that people wonder about our family. I’m pretty sure when we add an African American sib group to the mix, they will have many more insane questions and comments for us. I know that we look odd in some ways. We are clearly a bit young to have these two older kiddos. But, your curiosity is not outside of your control. We don’t walk up to people in wheelchairs and ask them to tell us how they got there. (I hope we don’t!) We don’t run around all willy nilly asking our neighbors who their visitor was at 11 pm. We don’t ask our parents how their sex life is going. There are just some things that we don’t do and questions we don’t ask. We are all curious about many crazy things. We all look out the window when the cops are at our neighbors house and we all wonder why the 60 year old guy at Starbucks is sitting so closely to what looks to be his 20 year old girlfriend. We wonder, but we don’t ask.
It may seem harmless to some to ask if my boys are brothers. I can sort of understand that. But it isn’t harmless. It is intrusive and it breaks their fragile facade of normal. When this question is asked, it is really about wanting to know what has happened to our kids and how the ended up here. It is loaded with other follow up questions and comments. As harmless as some things seem, it is important to remember that our children are trying to make it through the day without everyone noticing that they are adopted. They are vulnerable, sensitive boys who would like to avoid a daily dive into their past.
People need to remember that their curiosity doesn’t always have to be answered. Let adoptive families alone for a while. My kids don’t want to be the poster child for adoption any more than your kids want to be the poster child for the latest zit cream. Let my kids slide under the radar for a bit. Stop asking every question that comes to mind. If something is really getting to you, ask it when the kids aren’t around. By that I mean, they aren’t in the room or the building or on the premises. When they approach us and you clam up and get real quiet, they know that you are talking about them. Please, cut my kids a break.
Photo Credit: 2009 Renee Eaton.
Posted on September 25, 2009 | Filed under Adoption | Permalink
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